College, Questions Concerning, Vol II

OK, so I posted some Questions Concerning College as my first post of the semester, and now I guess it's time for another bunch:

If one of your friends went to dinner but left his door unlocked, is it OK to go in there and turn all of his stuff around?

Also, if said friend returns and finds you turning his stuff around, and this friend happens to be twice the size of you, is it cowardly to run for your life and leave one of your friends there to die?

In a similar vein, if you are downstairs hanging on the girls floor but your roommate wants you to come upstairs and watch TV, is it fair for him to turn everything in your room upside down, including your mattress and some of your posters?

Continuing the Roommate Pranks questions, how many times is it funny to edit the information on someone's Facebook because they left it up? 5? You can only change it to "Interested in: 'Men'" so many times.

Is it gross that we only empty our trash by turning it upside-down over the big trash can? The girls informed us that we are supposed to throw out and replace the bag. I never even thought about this.

If you and your friend are showering at the same time and also singing together, and you mention how awkward it would be if another kid you know was standing silently in the bathroom listening to you sing, and then 5 minutes later that same kid's voice says "That sounds great, guys".....i mean, really now. WTF?

Do you participate in No Shave November if the consequences include looking like a high school sophomore from Honduras?

If, when finally shaving on December 1st, your electric razor dies and needs to be charged, how long can you go around your dorm with only half a mustache?

If you play a 2 and 1/2 hour poker game and then, at the end, the other people decide to change the rules because it's getting late and these new rules cost you the game, do you have a right to be pissed? You do, right!?

When teachers assign papers, why do they continue to assign homework between then and the paper's due date? This question isn't even a joke. It just bugs the shit out of me.

Is it bad that I throw away 90% of my mail before I even leave the mailboxes? Send me something other than take-out menus for a change, why don't ya.

Why do teachers always make us buy textbooks that we don't use?

Seriously though...why do we have this landline phone?

If one of your friends gives you an Oreo that he has actually taken apart and convincingly filled with toothpaste, and you take a bite, note its considerably disgusting mintiness, and then take another bite.....actually no question here. Just know that this happened.

If your roommate still has no posters on his side of the room, how long should I wait before I buy him a really girly one? "Twilight", anyone?

How many straight days can you wear a pair of jeans without washing them? Is 3 weeks too long? No one would even notice if I didn't say anything.

Should I be blogging when I have a paper due tomorrow that I need to start and a Philosophy final in 2 hours? Probably not, right? Whatever.

What should you do if your ethernet jack fell out of its socket and into the wall, and you called IT and they never got back to you, so you called again 2 weeks later and they still never got back to you? I have been running on the shitty wireless network for about a month now. Can I get someone fired for this?

Whose blue flip-flops are in my room? They have been here for about 2 months now, just chillin' in the corner. No one has any idea who they belong to. Same goes for the bright blue tank-top that has been hanging on our inside door knob for the entire semester.

How do you get the smell of wet clothes out of your room? We played in the snow the other day and just dumped our soggy clothes in a pile and now the room smells funny. Bummer.

If you tell your friend to meet in the hallway to go to breakfast at 7:45, so you set your alarm, naturally, to 7:43, and he calls you and bangs on your door to wake you up at 7:32, should you pretend that it's totally normal for him to be 15 whole minutes early or should you kick him in the shins and go back to bed? I need to know these things.

Things I've Already Done at College for a Free T-Shirt

I have never been a huge fan of cheap t-shirts, but something about college has awoken a hidden desire. I will do anything for a free t-shirt. For example, after one semester of college, I have:

-Driven a golf cart through a course of orange cones while wearing beer goggles. I could then pick between a free t-shirt or a free flash drive. No contest.

-Attended a "Midnight Breakfast", which really started at 9:00 PM and ended at midnight, so the name was confusing. That's like having Midnight Mass at 11:00. Anyway...there were too many people so I didn't get a shirt. Shucks.

-Been one of the first 150 people to the dining hall one day. Not sure what that one was all about.

-Wrote addresses on 35 fundraiser forms for St. Jude's Children's Hospital. Of course, of the 35 forms I was required to address, 4 went to my own house, 4 to my aunts, 5 to my other aunts, one to my grandma, one to my other grandma, one to my next door neighbor, and the rest to teachers at my high school, addressed with their name and "c/o Bishop Guertin High School". Then I gave the shirt to Jenna though because they told her that they didn't accept multiples to the same address. Ah, irony.

-Given a pint of my own blood. Really.

Random Thoughts IV

- You know those moments when you're walking somewhere and you see someone you only sort of know walking towards you, but they are still pretty far away, and you don't want to say anything yet because you only sort of know them and don't really have enough to say to make a full conversation, but you know that they already saw you too, so you both sort of look away and mutually pretend not to have seen the other until you get right up close so you only have to exchange a little "oh, hey man". Well...those moments are weird. How many moments are there like that where two people can, without exchanging any words, mutually agree to lie to each other and just totally accept it?

- You know how when you're at a restaurant, and they give you bread or rolls and butter, and the butter comes in those little cube packages? And you try to spread the butter on the bread and it just rips the bread to pieces? You know what I'm talking about. That butter that restaurants give you that is totally unspreadable. Well, here's my question: Who the hell makes that butter and why do restaurants keep giving it to me? Knock it off, you know better.

- I can't think of many situations more awkward then going to a sit-down restaurant and requesting a "table for one".

- You know how if your name or picture are in the newspaper or something, you cut it out and keep it (or at least your mom does)? Well, at what point does that end if you're a celebrity? If you're Britney Spears, do you own every magazine that you've been on the cover of? Does Jon Gosselin's mom have a box in the attic full of tabloids that feature him? That would seem weird, no?

- Who was the first person to create a fake plant? My mom always has fake tulips in the kitchen, and even next to me right now is a big....just...plant. It's not really a bush, and it's certainly not a tree or flower, it's just a mass of leaves, kind of. Who started this? Who's brilliant idea was it to create a plastic plant to put in living rooms and libraries, etc.?

Things I've Been Doing Instead of Blogging

In no particular order:

-Playing my guitar. This one actually is in order because I do it constantly. It's a phenomenal distraction.

-Playing FarmVille. I've been saying for, like, 3 weeks now that I'm going to get rid of it but I haven't yet. It's like a drug, and, just like Huey Lewis, I want a new one.

-Looking at myself in the mirror. This is, 1. because I'm strikingly handsome (ask anyone!), and 2. because I am participating in No Shave November. Which was...dumb of me.

-Standing. I'm really good at it. Chances are you are too.

-Doing homework. This takes up a small percentage of my time, but it's in there.

-Cleaning my room. This actually happens only about once a week, usually Saturday or Sunday afternoon when everyone goes missing mysteriously. You know what I'm talking about. All your friends suddenly start disappearing without telling you where they're going so you're all alone for a bit. Anyway, this is when my room gets cleaned. And I do laundry. I should actually do laundry now. But I won't.

-Procrastinating. The other day I heard this quote: "Procrastination is a lot like masturbation. It feels good at first, but, in the end, you're just fucking yourself". This was certainly life-changing.

-Sleeping.

-Going to class.

-Sleeping in class.

-Eating all of my roommates peanut butter crackers. He really shouldn't have showed me where they were, so therefore it's partially his fault.

-Listening to other people's relationship problems. I'm a good listener. Not so good at giving advice once they're done talking, but hot damn I can listen.

-Listening to The Beatles. I do it a lot.

-Playing Fantasy Football. And doing....decently.

-Multi-tasking

-Tying my shoes.

-Still contemplating why we are required to have a landline phone in here.

-Serving as self-apointed coach on multiple intramural teams. Our intramurals so far have gone as follows: Flag Football: 1-6, Co-Ed Softball: 1-4, Floor Hockey: 0-4 (so far) Water Polo: 0-1(so far). I have no reasonable explanation as to why a group of seemingly semi-athletic 18 year old boys can be so...awful.

-Texting. Texting has become so ingrained in our generation, I can not imagine life without it. Is that bad? I'm not sure.

Hopefully I will be able to find the time (will. determination. drive.) to blog more from now on. But don't quote me on that.

College, Questions Concerning

If there is someone in your hall with the last name Quinn, wouldn't it be natural that you call him "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman"?

Why does my History professor think he is so hilarious when no one else thinks so? Where does he get these preposterous ideas? This seems like something that would be stifled during childhood.

If your room has 5 enormous Beatles posters on the walls and someone walks in and asks "So...do you like the Beatles?", is it OK to hurl things at them?

If someone brings a girl to guy's poker night, how many days should you shun them?

If your roommate uses every sentence to comment on how perfect his girlfriend is, at what point can you start stealing his stuff?

If you have a 3 page paper to write, should you be blogging?

If you forget all of your ankle-high socks at home and only have ones that stretch 3/4 up your shins, do you wear them and risk looking like a loser or do you just go without socks?

If you have 5 posters on your wall but your roommate still has none, at what point can you officially conclude that he is a weirdo?

Why did 5 people in our hall decide that this weekend would be the time to bring some Double-Stuf Oreo's? I'm not complaining or anything, but it was a little freaky.

Why do we have to have a land line phone in our room? It seems useless.

If you are a Calculas professor and you lost one of your hands in an accident a few years back but had it reattached, should you share this with your class? Or should you just keep it to yourself because it may be all that the class is able to focus on from now on?

Why does every girl know how to iron clothing? Again, I'm not complaining.

If someone in your hall brings a large plant to school and names it, should you be friends with this person? Should you be friends with the plant?

If you keep a large jar of Starburst on your desk, are you just asking me to eat them all?

If your roommate calls everyone his "best friend", including a Dell operator from the Philippines by the name of Nim.....I don't even have a question here.

That's A Stumper...Part 2

If George Washington was around today, would he be more amazed by the fact that the nation's capital, a state, and a monument all bear his name, or by the concept of a corndog?

That's A Stumper...

Did Adam and Eve have navels?

Random Thoughts III

-Songs I Am Listening To Over And Over:

- "Dance Tonight" by Paul McCartney

- "Point of Know Return" - by Kansas

- "Get Back" - by The Beatles (Currently my favorite song. Tell your friends)

- I got my hair cut today. I realized that I always think I look my best in the mirror while getting my hair cut. It's not even about the hair. I just look better there. Am I losing my mind? Possibly.

- You know the song, "You like potato and I like potahto, You like tomato and I like tomahto. · Potato, potahto, Tomato, tomahto, Let's call the whole thing off"? I was thinking about it the other day and thought, "Wait.....who says 'tomahto'?" Nobody. My point: ...not sure I have one.

- If I went back in time to the 1970's and showed everyone "That 70's Show" do you think it would be funny? I thought about this for a good lenth of time and am completely stumped.

The Sweet Tea Scale:

- McDonalds: the sweetest of sweet tea. Plus 32 oz is only $1. However, if the sweet tea container is behind the counter and the employees fill your cup for you, beware, as it is often not so good.

-Chick-fil-A: a close second, only because it has a stronger "tea" taste. Plus it costs way more than Mickey D's.

-Dunkin's: Inexplicably not good. Hard to explain. On a scale where "super sweet" is a 10 and "unsweet" is a 0, Dunk's is like a 3.

-HoneyDew: Lacks...oh, what's the word...oh yeah, sugar. Avoid it. I learned this today, which propted this paragraph. On the above mentioned scale, it would be a -7.

Television

Television. One of the most important and innovative inventions of the 20th Century. America, nay, The World without television would be like a Starbucks without WiFi, a Chick-fil-A sandwich without pickles, or the Sox without Papelbon: Worse, and a lot more boring. Yes, the television has always been America's best friend, filling our living rooms with quality, family friendly, wholesome entertainment.

However...well...nowadays, most of it is shit. Therefore, without further ado ("ado"? What a strange word. Ado.), and in no particular order, a list of television programs according to me in as few words as I can. By the way, none of this could have happened without TiVo.

The Office - one of TV's funniest shows, and dry humor at its driest. We own all 4 seasons that are available on DVD and will soon be buying Season 5. One of the few shows that we still consider Appointment Television (i.e. "I can't do anything tonight at 9, 'The Office' is on." It's an appointment. Capiche?

Daisy of Love - Big stupid men compete for the love of some sort of scary midget woman, I think. I don't watch this one. Let me put it this way: "Daisy of Love" is a spin-off of the unfathomably awful "Rock of Love with Bret Michaels", where Bret has to pick a soul-mate from what I believe is, and correct me if I'm wrong, a group of mentally challenged drunk hookers. "Rock of Love", then, was a spin-off of "I Love New York", where a group of men compete for the love of a stupid, evil, crazy woman, which is just an awful collection of adjectives, eh? "I Love New York" was a spin-off of "Flavor of Love", where ladies compete for the love of a loud, clock and Viking hat wearing elf. "Flavor of Love" was a spin-off of "The Bachelor", where woman compete for the love of a rich, attractive guy. Not sure why I just went into all that length, but I guess you could therefore call "Daisy of Love" a Spin-Off ^ 5.

Scrubs - Extremely funny show that is surprisingly smart for its appearance. I used to think Scrubs was just goofy, rude, and unintelligent humor and I thought it wasn't really for me. After giving it a chance, I realized just how 100% wrong I was. Today, I've seen almost every episode and it's one of my favorite shows. Go figure.

Pawn Stars - A Vegas pawn shop owner haggles over the value of all sorts of weird stuff that people try to sell him. Simple concept, and so far it's actually really interesting. Of course, I showed my mom and brother, and they both thought it was dumb. The lesson, as always: I can't win.

MonsterQuest - A team searches for legendary monsters (i.e. Bigfoot), but never, EVER find anything. Seriously, what the hell, MonsterQuest! You're on for an entire hour and you always find a way to pull me in and you never, ever, ever find anything substantial. I hate you, MonsterQuest.

South Park - Usually humorous, but rarely interesting enough to really pull me in. I don't know. I was never allowed to watch it and I never really got into it.

Psych - Really great show, intelligently combines a comedy and a detective show. Appointment television in our house.

The Daily Show - I watch every episode (Viva la TiVo!) and, well, it's basically how I get my news. I'm not kidding. Is that bad?

Jon & Kate Plus 8 - Seemed a cute enough show at first. I've seen portions once or twice while flipping channels and it seemed OK. Don't understand people's fascination with it, even before Jon and Kate's relationship issues.

The View - I can't have a conversation with my family without being interrupted and spoken over, so whose idea was it to have 5 opinionated women try to do it and then put that on TV?

Wizards of Waverly Place - My brother watches Disney channel. and Nickelodeon. Now he claims that he only does it because nothing good to watch is on and he's bored. Well, sir! Get off the couch, my friend, and discover the world around you! When there's nothing good on TV, guess what I do? I shut it off. I'm simply using "Wizards of Waverly Place" as an example because it is by far the WORST of an ever expanding group of shows such as "iCarly", that "Zach and Cody" show, "Hannah Montana", etc.

Kendra - I'm glad that Kendra, of "The Girls Next Door" fame (Fame? Wow.), was able to find a way to remain on television, because little girls today really need someone to look up to and I'm glad she's answered the call. On a serious note, it's shows like this that make me wonder how this person is on television while I'm not. (oh yeah, boobs. I forgot)

I really liked writing this one. I think I'll make it a more common event. If you read this, please leave a comment with more TV show suggestions that you want me to comment on.

Random Thoughts II

Let's start today with a new segment called "Songs I Am Listening To Over And Over":

- "What is Life?" by George Harrison
- "You Never Give My Your Money" by The Beatles
- "Golden Slumbers/Carry That Weight" by The Beatles
- "I Me Mine" by the Beatles
- "Prelude/Angry Young Man" by Billy Joel
- "Allentown" by Billy Joel
- "Crush" by Dave Matthews Band
- "Africa" by Toto

- About a month ago I discovered the power of Pandora radio. I feel like I may be way behind on learning about this. If you don't know what it is, Pandora is an internet radio service where the user enters a song or band that they like, and it responds by creating personalized "radio stations" that play songs and bands that are musically similar to the one the user entered. I primarily use Pandora to listen to Beatles stuff, myself. One thing that bothered me at first was that Pandora only allowed you to use six "skips" per hour, meaning that if you didn't like a song that it played, you could skip it, but only 6 times, limiting the amount of free music you could access, which makes sense. However, I found a simple way around it. What I did was create a bunch of new stations off of certain Beatles songs that I like, and whenever a song I want to skip comes on, I switch to another station and get a new song. Child's play, my friends.

- Yesterday, my family and I watched Alfred Hitchcock's "Vertigo" (which I surprisingly did not enjoy) and my mom mentioned that she missed the days when everyone wore suits and nice hats everywhere. Well, after further thought, I agree! I wish everyone wore hats everywhere. I love hats.

- Whenever I get the exciting job of "sampler" at work, I get to interact with the people of Pheasant Lane's exceptional, high class dining facility, and the amount of people who simply take a free sample without saying thank you astounds me. It's unbelievable. And it got me thinking: When did our society decide that a lack of manners and courtesy was acceptable? Whenever someone grabs a nugget out of my hand and just keeps on silently walking, I want to run after them and snatch it back. You don't deserve it, come back when you learn how to treat people. I know it's something really small and it's not a big deal, but it should be. Am I overthinking this? I don't know. It bugs me.

- The Sox have lost 4 in a row, and are currently losing tonight in Texas, and the Yankees have won 6 in a row and currently hold a 1 & 1/2 game lead in the AL East. Do I have any thoughts on this. No. I don't wanna talk about it.

- The Sox passed up on a trade that would send Clay Buccholz to Cleveland in exchange for Victor Martinez. This news makes me want to wander into traffic.

- Our fridge is not magnetic on the front, but it is on the side. I just thought of this for some reason, and it bothers me. Why make a fridge that's not magenetized? What's wrong with you?

Random Thought for the Day

I want to create an amusement park and call it "Seven Flags" and place it right next door to Six Flags. More Flags, More Fun, right guys? How long would it take for Six Flags to change their slogan? Days? Hours?

Why Listening To Sinatra Is The Best Thing To Listen To While Doing Dishes

It just is.

Try it sometime.

An Extremely Contrived Moment in "Ghost Hunters"

As the "Ghost Hunters" listen to recordings that they made at an 18th Century Irish castle:

GH #1: "Dude, I think I caught something here, you better take a listen to this"

GH #2: "Sure, let me hear it"

*Low static and one moment where the static gets a TINY BIT more static-y*

GH #2: "Dude, something definitely just said 'Rights'".

GH #1: "Yeah, that's what I heard too".

GH #1: "You know, I'm sure many of the people who were locked up in this prison were fighting for their rights"

GH #2: "Oh definitely, that makes total sense!"

*Note: No. It doesn't make sense. Stop making shit up.

Random Thoughts I

Welcome to our first installment of Random Thoughts. Random thoughts are things that I usually have quite often but only rarely write down.

- Whenever I tried to refer to Michael Jackson by a nickname in the past few days, I kept using ones that were already attributed to Michael Jordan. Though it would seem that Michael Jackson could've gone by just "Michael", saying it makes me think Jordan. I also tried MJ in my head a few times, but that one is already attributed to, well, MJ. His official nickname was, I guess, "The King of Pop", but it's a bit too lengthy to just drop in conversation.

- Item #493 on the list of "Things That Really Bug The Crap Out Of Me But Not So Much That I'd Say They 'Piss Me Off'": When someone posts something really long on YouTube in multiple segments (for example, an installment of "The Beatles Anthology") but one or more of the segments is completely missing. If it's 2:30 in the morning, and I'm trying to watch "The Beatles Anthology: Part 7" on my iTouch and "Segment 5 of 10" is simply not there, well that's just unacceptable. Where is it? Did this one 10-minute portion get taken down from the internet? Did you just skip it, decide "nah, this next ten minutes is a little boring" and leave it out? What could possibly be the reason for this? And a special shout-out to YouTuber "garrysguitar", who posted a great couple videos on how to play "Here Comes The Sun", but decided that it would be better not to include "Part 1 of 3" and to just go with the second two. Thanks, garrysguitar.

- What do you do in scenario where you are texting with someone, but the textversation (just made that word up) gets really boring, no one's really saying anything, and you just want to end it. I do one of two things: Usually, I'll say "hey i gtg, ill ttyl tho" and get back a "k" and that's the end of it. That's easy, but almost always a lie. I don't have to go anywhere, no one is making me put the phone away. I just don't want to text you anymore. The only other way to get out of a textversation gone boring is to just stop replying. However, whenever I do this I end up feeling really bad because, well, I've been on the other end of that (who hasn't) and it ain't fun. So what should you do to cordially end a convo?

- I have been to 3 (three) concerts in my life. Three. And they aren't even braggable concerts either. I saw Toby Keith when I was like 12 (featuring an up-and-coming Rascal Flatts as the opening act), and then fellow country star Phil Vassar like the next year. After those, I went to see Trans-Siberian Orchestra last December with a friend of mine, which was absolutely phenomenal, even though (or maybe because) I had no idea what to expect. BUT next month, Gillete Stadium, I am going to see Elton John/Billy Joel, two of my top 5 favorite artists of all time together on the same stage. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! (RIP Billy Mays. I have never used Oxy-Clean). I bought two tickets last night to see Sir Paul McCartney at Fenway Park in August. Yes, THE Paul McCartney. He of my favorite band of all time. I can't even put into words how excited I am. The only concert that I would be more excited for would be all 4 Beatles at Fenway Park. That's it. Seriously, I just thought about it, and if I had to choose 3 concerts to see, it'd be The Beatles (or A Beatle), U2, and Elton John. And I'm hitting up 2 of the 3! In the span of 19 days! I can't stand it! While we're here, quick sidenote, my favorite Paul McCartney was the one with the beard, featured here in the Beatles' rooftop concert in 1969. "Get back, Loretta!"

- One of my favorite shows on television (redundant) is "The Soup" (Fridays @ 10 on E!). It's by far one of the funniest shows I've ever watched, mostly because of the charm and charisma of host Joel McHale, seen here looking like he's contemplating leaning in to kiss me. Whatever. Whether the written joke is very clever and funny (usually) or just stupid and silly (often), McHale pulls it off with ease and makes you laugh anyway. Or, if not laugh, at least enjoy every minute of it. He seems like someone who would be the life of the party without really realizing it, if that makes sense. In contrast, one of my least favorite shows on television (agian, redundant) is Comedy Central's new "Tosh.O", hosted by a guy named Daniel Tosh. One of my friends introduced me to Tosh a few months ago, calling him the funniest guy he'd ever seen. So I looked him up. Too say the least, I was pretty disappointed. Maybe it's just my style, but I'd much rather see witty, clever comedy than comedy that is sloppy and gets laughs for being rude. When I learned that Tosh, seen here saying something unfunny, was getting his own show, I was neither interested nor all that surprised. What I saw when I stumbled upon an episode of Tosh.O the other day looked like "The Soup" only if you took out the "funny" and "charisma" and replaced it with "uncomfortable" and "overrated". If Joel McHale is someone I would want to bring to a party, Daniel Tosh is someone I would hope was only there delivering the pizza.

A Letter to Brett Favre

Dear Mr. Favre (or Brett. Can I call you Brett? K)

As I'm sure you are well aware, you are one of the greatest football players of all time. You are definitely among the top 5 quarterbacks who have ever played the game. You have started every single NFL game you've played since Week 4 in 1992, when I was still getting used to walking. That's 291 games, including playoffs. You were the first player to win three (3) MVP awards. You hold the records for touchdowns thrown (464) and passing yards (65,127). We get it. You've been really, really good.

You also graduated first in your class from the "Roger Clemens School of Retirement". Roger, as I'm sure you remember, retired with the Yankees after the 2003 season, relishing a season full of farewells, standing ovations, and SportsCenter montages, only to un-retire after 2 months, joining the Houston Astros. After 2 seasons, Clemens announced once again that he was retiring. He then un-retired yet again ("un-retired" is such a strange word. Just say it out loud. Un-retired), playing 2006 with Houston and 2007 with the Yankees again.

Now, Brett, remember March 2008? That press conference where you announced your retirement? Yes, the one where you cried. Remember that? Cuz I sure do! Oh, you couldn't hear enough about it! They should have renamed SportsCenter, "The Show Where We Make Our Own News About Brett Favre And Still Call It Breaking News, Totally Defeating The Purpose Of The Term 'Breaking News' Show!". Speaking as someone who only wanted to catch a few baseball highlights, this new hour-long Favre special every morning was awfully annoying.

Needless to say, I was glad when this Favre-mania died down. About 3 months later, just when I was getting used to regular, Favre-fee SportsCenter, you contacted the Packers about a possible return.

Thanks. Thanks for that.

To sum up the rest, FavreCenter spent the rest of the summer making Breaking News about you, you un-retired, joined the New York Jets, and retired again, again receiving loads of emotional farewells. Now, the Vikings are making news by expressing interest in you, and, yesterday, you made an announcement that essentially killed any enjoyment I'll get out of ESPN this summer: that you are still interested in playing, and the Vikings are a probable destination.

Brett, I'm begging you. Dont' do this to me. I can't take it. I can't take another summer of Favre-watch. I can't take more made up news from Ed Werder. I can't take another season where you are, win or lose, the opener on FavreCenter. I need a break. So please...please...

Go away.

Why I Really Suck At Blogging

I suck at this.

I do! I just suck at blogging! It has been, ready for this, THREE WEEKS since I updated it at all. THREE FREAKIN' WEEKS. Good heavens.

I have done some deep thinking (no worries, I'm ok. I sat down first) and thought of some reasons as to why I may not be set out to be a contributing member of the blogosphere.

1. I forget about it. I'll admit it. And I almost have a good excuse for forgetting about it: I don't have a computer. My computer in my room doesn't have an internet connection. This is mainly because my parents believe that I would have difficulty paying attention to anything else if I did (to which I reply that, 1) it's summer. what do I have worth paying attention to? and 2) i don't pay attention to anything anyway, so the point is pretty moot). In addition, the family computer, which I am currently typing on, is turned off most of the time, and, when it IS turned on, it's extremely EXTREMELY slow. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure my Dad might have fixed it a while back, but I've developed an unsolveable hatred for it. My mom has a laptop that I could use, but it too is mostly turned off and turning it on takes too much time and, you know...I'm just...I'm really...
   
2. Lazy. I am. Your average person, someone like you, would say "You know what? I should update my blog! This computer is off but will only take, say, 5 minutes to turn on. I will do that!". However, my line of thinking usually follows this pattern: "You know what? I should update my blog!" This computer is off though...eh...umm...nah, I'll go sit on the couch and watch 'The Daily Show' and contemplate my own pathetic existence". And then I go do that.
   
3. I try too hard. In the past three weeks, I have sat down at least 5 times (hold your applause, let me finish the sentence) in front of an internet-compatible computer, signed in to Blogger, and opened up my blog with the intent to update it. 3 times I started actual drafts of posts. 0 (zero) times I published a post. This is because I try wayyy too hard. I always end up sitting here with a half-written draft in front of me, then getting frustrated and walking away. I can't get past focusing on the people who will be reading this. Part of me thinks that anyone who reads any of this will think I'm an idiot. The other part of me reassures myself that anyone who is willing to read this already knows that I'm an idiot. I spend too much time thinking and not enough time just letting it flow, which sounds like something I should see a doctor about.
   
4. There's always something better to do. This can not possibly be the case every time, but it seems that way in my head, especially when you weigh in the other factors I've already mentioned. Right now, my options were a) update my blog with the Sox on in the background, or b) watch television with my family, or c) sit and literally do nothing. And as fun as all those sound...good god, my life is boring at the moment. Tell me again when college starts?

I feel like this may be the beginning of good things. Maybe, just maybe, I will update this more than once every three weeks.

Maybe. Hopefully.

Maybe.

Your Basic First Blog Post

The title of this post pretty much sums up the next few paragraphs. When someone starts a blog, they usually begin by answering questions like "Why Are You Blogging?", "Why Should I Read This", etc. I intend to answer these questions in as short and sweet* a manner as I know how: Fake e-mails.

*probably not the right words.

Ted C. in Denver: "Hey Matt, why are you blogging?"
Matt: "Well, Ted, the reason I'm blogging is because I have a lot of things to say that I think people would find interesting to read. I'm not sure why I feel this way, considering the amount of people who find my thoughts interesting in person, but I'm hoping the internet can give them a new perspective. I'm an average 18-year-old boy from Massachusetts, I'm semi-intelligent, and, when awake, I have been known to have an occasional humorous comment.

Actually, Ted, to be honest, the reason I'm blogging is because I am 18 years old and mentally chained to the Internet. I spend the better part of my days on Facebook, wishing I had the strength to tear my eyes away from the screen and trying to come to terms with the fact that, No, no one interesting is currently on Facebook Chat. I refuse to use Twitter, though I do have an account there simply to "follow" certain people (Bill Simmons), but I'm not proud of it. Therefore, I have started blogging simply to give me something to do instead of scrubbing the toilets or playing outside."

Frank in The Car: "Hey Matt, long time reader, first time e-mailer. Anyway, I'd like to know why I, or someone like me, should ever read this thing?"
Matt: "Hi Frank, and thanks for writing in. To answer your question, you should read this "thing" if you're bored, online, and/or have a craving for some thoughts from a teenage smart-alec. Or if you personally know me and want to know what I'm up to. Or if you're stalking me. Other than these, I can think of no reason why you would be reading this."

David O. in Boston, MA: "Matt, I finally hit my first home run of the season last night! Did you see it? Whaddaya think? Think I'm gonna start finally hitting the ball consistently now?"
Matt: "Sorry, Papi, but no, I don't. I'm extremely glad that you finally got that first longball out of the way but I'm predicting less than 15 more for the rest of the season. I'm really, really sorry. Thanks for all those clutch hits against the Yanks in '04, and I really enjoyed those 54 bombs in '06, but I'm pretty sure you're home run hitting days have run their course. I really, really hope that I'm wrong about everything I wrote in this paragraph."

Thanks to everyone who took the time to e-mail in. In conclusion, I really hope that someone out there can find this blog at least somewhat interesting and/or amusing and/or intellectually stimulating in some way.

To quote from "Pooh's Grand Adventure":

To those who continue reading, "I salute you. And those of you doomed to never return, I salute you twice!"