A Letter to Brett Favre

Dear Mr. Favre (or Brett. Can I call you Brett? K)

As I'm sure you are well aware, you are one of the greatest football players of all time. You are definitely among the top 5 quarterbacks who have ever played the game. You have started every single NFL game you've played since Week 4 in 1992, when I was still getting used to walking. That's 291 games, including playoffs. You were the first player to win three (3) MVP awards. You hold the records for touchdowns thrown (464) and passing yards (65,127). We get it. You've been really, really good.

You also graduated first in your class from the "Roger Clemens School of Retirement". Roger, as I'm sure you remember, retired with the Yankees after the 2003 season, relishing a season full of farewells, standing ovations, and SportsCenter montages, only to un-retire after 2 months, joining the Houston Astros. After 2 seasons, Clemens announced once again that he was retiring. He then un-retired yet again ("un-retired" is such a strange word. Just say it out loud. Un-retired), playing 2006 with Houston and 2007 with the Yankees again.

Now, Brett, remember March 2008? That press conference where you announced your retirement? Yes, the one where you cried. Remember that? Cuz I sure do! Oh, you couldn't hear enough about it! They should have renamed SportsCenter, "The Show Where We Make Our Own News About Brett Favre And Still Call It Breaking News, Totally Defeating The Purpose Of The Term 'Breaking News' Show!". Speaking as someone who only wanted to catch a few baseball highlights, this new hour-long Favre special every morning was awfully annoying.

Needless to say, I was glad when this Favre-mania died down. About 3 months later, just when I was getting used to regular, Favre-fee SportsCenter, you contacted the Packers about a possible return.

Thanks. Thanks for that.

To sum up the rest, FavreCenter spent the rest of the summer making Breaking News about you, you un-retired, joined the New York Jets, and retired again, again receiving loads of emotional farewells. Now, the Vikings are making news by expressing interest in you, and, yesterday, you made an announcement that essentially killed any enjoyment I'll get out of ESPN this summer: that you are still interested in playing, and the Vikings are a probable destination.

Brett, I'm begging you. Dont' do this to me. I can't take it. I can't take another summer of Favre-watch. I can't take more made up news from Ed Werder. I can't take another season where you are, win or lose, the opener on FavreCenter. I need a break. So please...please...

Go away.