College, Questions Concerning, Vol II

OK, so I posted some Questions Concerning College as my first post of the semester, and now I guess it's time for another bunch:

If one of your friends went to dinner but left his door unlocked, is it OK to go in there and turn all of his stuff around?

Also, if said friend returns and finds you turning his stuff around, and this friend happens to be twice the size of you, is it cowardly to run for your life and leave one of your friends there to die?

In a similar vein, if you are downstairs hanging on the girls floor but your roommate wants you to come upstairs and watch TV, is it fair for him to turn everything in your room upside down, including your mattress and some of your posters?

Continuing the Roommate Pranks questions, how many times is it funny to edit the information on someone's Facebook because they left it up? 5? You can only change it to "Interested in: 'Men'" so many times.

Is it gross that we only empty our trash by turning it upside-down over the big trash can? The girls informed us that we are supposed to throw out and replace the bag. I never even thought about this.

If you and your friend are showering at the same time and also singing together, and you mention how awkward it would be if another kid you know was standing silently in the bathroom listening to you sing, and then 5 minutes later that same kid's voice says "That sounds great, guys".....i mean, really now. WTF?

Do you participate in No Shave November if the consequences include looking like a high school sophomore from Honduras?

If, when finally shaving on December 1st, your electric razor dies and needs to be charged, how long can you go around your dorm with only half a mustache?

If you play a 2 and 1/2 hour poker game and then, at the end, the other people decide to change the rules because it's getting late and these new rules cost you the game, do you have a right to be pissed? You do, right!?

When teachers assign papers, why do they continue to assign homework between then and the paper's due date? This question isn't even a joke. It just bugs the shit out of me.

Is it bad that I throw away 90% of my mail before I even leave the mailboxes? Send me something other than take-out menus for a change, why don't ya.

Why do teachers always make us buy textbooks that we don't use?

Seriously though...why do we have this landline phone?

If one of your friends gives you an Oreo that he has actually taken apart and convincingly filled with toothpaste, and you take a bite, note its considerably disgusting mintiness, and then take another bite.....actually no question here. Just know that this happened.

If your roommate still has no posters on his side of the room, how long should I wait before I buy him a really girly one? "Twilight", anyone?

How many straight days can you wear a pair of jeans without washing them? Is 3 weeks too long? No one would even notice if I didn't say anything.

Should I be blogging when I have a paper due tomorrow that I need to start and a Philosophy final in 2 hours? Probably not, right? Whatever.

What should you do if your ethernet jack fell out of its socket and into the wall, and you called IT and they never got back to you, so you called again 2 weeks later and they still never got back to you? I have been running on the shitty wireless network for about a month now. Can I get someone fired for this?

Whose blue flip-flops are in my room? They have been here for about 2 months now, just chillin' in the corner. No one has any idea who they belong to. Same goes for the bright blue tank-top that has been hanging on our inside door knob for the entire semester.

How do you get the smell of wet clothes out of your room? We played in the snow the other day and just dumped our soggy clothes in a pile and now the room smells funny. Bummer.

If you tell your friend to meet in the hallway to go to breakfast at 7:45, so you set your alarm, naturally, to 7:43, and he calls you and bangs on your door to wake you up at 7:32, should you pretend that it's totally normal for him to be 15 whole minutes early or should you kick him in the shins and go back to bed? I need to know these things.

Things I've Already Done at College for a Free T-Shirt

I have never been a huge fan of cheap t-shirts, but something about college has awoken a hidden desire. I will do anything for a free t-shirt. For example, after one semester of college, I have:

-Driven a golf cart through a course of orange cones while wearing beer goggles. I could then pick between a free t-shirt or a free flash drive. No contest.

-Attended a "Midnight Breakfast", which really started at 9:00 PM and ended at midnight, so the name was confusing. That's like having Midnight Mass at 11:00. Anyway...there were too many people so I didn't get a shirt. Shucks.

-Been one of the first 150 people to the dining hall one day. Not sure what that one was all about.

-Wrote addresses on 35 fundraiser forms for St. Jude's Children's Hospital. Of course, of the 35 forms I was required to address, 4 went to my own house, 4 to my aunts, 5 to my other aunts, one to my grandma, one to my other grandma, one to my next door neighbor, and the rest to teachers at my high school, addressed with their name and "c/o Bishop Guertin High School". Then I gave the shirt to Jenna though because they told her that they didn't accept multiples to the same address. Ah, irony.

-Given a pint of my own blood. Really.

Random Thoughts IV

- You know those moments when you're walking somewhere and you see someone you only sort of know walking towards you, but they are still pretty far away, and you don't want to say anything yet because you only sort of know them and don't really have enough to say to make a full conversation, but you know that they already saw you too, so you both sort of look away and mutually pretend not to have seen the other until you get right up close so you only have to exchange a little "oh, hey man". Well...those moments are weird. How many moments are there like that where two people can, without exchanging any words, mutually agree to lie to each other and just totally accept it?

- You know how when you're at a restaurant, and they give you bread or rolls and butter, and the butter comes in those little cube packages? And you try to spread the butter on the bread and it just rips the bread to pieces? You know what I'm talking about. That butter that restaurants give you that is totally unspreadable. Well, here's my question: Who the hell makes that butter and why do restaurants keep giving it to me? Knock it off, you know better.

- I can't think of many situations more awkward then going to a sit-down restaurant and requesting a "table for one".

- You know how if your name or picture are in the newspaper or something, you cut it out and keep it (or at least your mom does)? Well, at what point does that end if you're a celebrity? If you're Britney Spears, do you own every magazine that you've been on the cover of? Does Jon Gosselin's mom have a box in the attic full of tabloids that feature him? That would seem weird, no?

- Who was the first person to create a fake plant? My mom always has fake tulips in the kitchen, and even next to me right now is a big....just...plant. It's not really a bush, and it's certainly not a tree or flower, it's just a mass of leaves, kind of. Who started this? Who's brilliant idea was it to create a plastic plant to put in living rooms and libraries, etc.?

Things I've Been Doing Instead of Blogging

In no particular order:

-Playing my guitar. This one actually is in order because I do it constantly. It's a phenomenal distraction.

-Playing FarmVille. I've been saying for, like, 3 weeks now that I'm going to get rid of it but I haven't yet. It's like a drug, and, just like Huey Lewis, I want a new one.

-Looking at myself in the mirror. This is, 1. because I'm strikingly handsome (ask anyone!), and 2. because I am participating in No Shave November. Which was...dumb of me.

-Standing. I'm really good at it. Chances are you are too.

-Doing homework. This takes up a small percentage of my time, but it's in there.

-Cleaning my room. This actually happens only about once a week, usually Saturday or Sunday afternoon when everyone goes missing mysteriously. You know what I'm talking about. All your friends suddenly start disappearing without telling you where they're going so you're all alone for a bit. Anyway, this is when my room gets cleaned. And I do laundry. I should actually do laundry now. But I won't.

-Procrastinating. The other day I heard this quote: "Procrastination is a lot like masturbation. It feels good at first, but, in the end, you're just fucking yourself". This was certainly life-changing.

-Sleeping.

-Going to class.

-Sleeping in class.

-Eating all of my roommates peanut butter crackers. He really shouldn't have showed me where they were, so therefore it's partially his fault.

-Listening to other people's relationship problems. I'm a good listener. Not so good at giving advice once they're done talking, but hot damn I can listen.

-Listening to The Beatles. I do it a lot.

-Playing Fantasy Football. And doing....decently.

-Multi-tasking

-Tying my shoes.

-Still contemplating why we are required to have a landline phone in here.

-Serving as self-apointed coach on multiple intramural teams. Our intramurals so far have gone as follows: Flag Football: 1-6, Co-Ed Softball: 1-4, Floor Hockey: 0-4 (so far) Water Polo: 0-1(so far). I have no reasonable explanation as to why a group of seemingly semi-athletic 18 year old boys can be so...awful.

-Texting. Texting has become so ingrained in our generation, I can not imagine life without it. Is that bad? I'm not sure.

Hopefully I will be able to find the time (will. determination. drive.) to blog more from now on. But don't quote me on that.

College, Questions Concerning

If there is someone in your hall with the last name Quinn, wouldn't it be natural that you call him "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman"?

Why does my History professor think he is so hilarious when no one else thinks so? Where does he get these preposterous ideas? This seems like something that would be stifled during childhood.

If your room has 5 enormous Beatles posters on the walls and someone walks in and asks "So...do you like the Beatles?", is it OK to hurl things at them?

If someone brings a girl to guy's poker night, how many days should you shun them?

If your roommate uses every sentence to comment on how perfect his girlfriend is, at what point can you start stealing his stuff?

If you have a 3 page paper to write, should you be blogging?

If you forget all of your ankle-high socks at home and only have ones that stretch 3/4 up your shins, do you wear them and risk looking like a loser or do you just go without socks?

If you have 5 posters on your wall but your roommate still has none, at what point can you officially conclude that he is a weirdo?

Why did 5 people in our hall decide that this weekend would be the time to bring some Double-Stuf Oreo's? I'm not complaining or anything, but it was a little freaky.

Why do we have to have a land line phone in our room? It seems useless.

If you are a Calculas professor and you lost one of your hands in an accident a few years back but had it reattached, should you share this with your class? Or should you just keep it to yourself because it may be all that the class is able to focus on from now on?

Why does every girl know how to iron clothing? Again, I'm not complaining.

If someone in your hall brings a large plant to school and names it, should you be friends with this person? Should you be friends with the plant?

If you keep a large jar of Starburst on your desk, are you just asking me to eat them all?

If your roommate calls everyone his "best friend", including a Dell operator from the Philippines by the name of Nim.....I don't even have a question here.

That's A Stumper...Part 2

If George Washington was around today, would he be more amazed by the fact that the nation's capital, a state, and a monument all bear his name, or by the concept of a corndog?

That's A Stumper...

Did Adam and Eve have navels?